Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson | Follow this Blog

About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Here Come the Holidays: Get Couple-Ready

Uploaded: Oct 30, 2013
While this may be a time of family, love, thanks, giving, cheer, good food, and relaxing around the fireplace with good friends, it also may be a time of stress, high and/or differing expectations, extra activities, shopping, family drama, disappointment, and mixed signals.

This would be an especially good time to get on the same page with your beloved. As long as you two are connected then going through all-of-whatever-it-is-that-comes-next together, you will come out of it in January connected. And that is what we are all biologically wired to crave.

Connection, also called secure attachment or creating a "couple bubble" (as Stan Tatkin, Ph.D. terms it), consists of five parts: 1) giving attunement, which is a fancy word for listening and letting him/her know we heard and giving empathy about what we heard; 2) demonstrating that we have each other's back no matter what; 3) seeking comfort from each other; 4) seeking sex from each other; and 5) creating a home that is a haven from which to venture into the world for all of the other things we do in life.

The really short version of these five things: put each other first. Help each other feel safe and secure.

More to come on this topic.

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Don't miss out on the discussion!
Sign up to be notified of new comments on this topic.

Email:

Follow this blogger (Receive an email when blogger makes a new post)

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Posting an item on Town Square is simple and requires no registration. Just complete this form and hit "submit" and your topic will appear online. Please be respectful and truthful in your postings so Town Square will continue to be a thoughtful gathering place for sharing community information and opinion. All postings are subject to our TERMS OF USE, and may be deleted if deemed inappropriate by our staff.

We prefer that you use your real name, but you may use any "member" name you wish.

Name: *

Select your neighborhood or school community: * Not sure?

Comment: *

Verification code: *
Enter the verification code exactly as shown, using capital and lowercase letters, in the multi-colored box.

*Required Fields

It Can Wait
By Cheryl Bac | 4 comments | 2,814 views

I Told My Mom She's Dying
By Chandrama Anderson | 10 comments | 2,089 views

Grab a Bowl of Heaven soon in Mountain View
By Elena Kadvany | 0 comments | 946 views

Hit the Bus
By Paul Bendix | 4 comments | 358 views

“I live near Sunset”
By Stuart Soffer | 0 comments | 143 views