You Change! | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Almanac Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

You Change!

Uploaded: Feb 24, 2014
"This relationship is a mess, and I want you to change."

Now look in the mirror and repeat the above statement.

Ouch!

No matter how much we wish we had control over her behaviors, actions, and feelings, we don't. We can not change him.

It's really annoying, isn't it? Because if s/he would just do things my way, we would not be having these issues.

Truth is, we can change. We can learn about how our brain works in relationship, and help it work better for us. Truth is, we have to do the work.

I see change every day. It gladdens my heart. It does not just happen, though.

Change comes from deciding to be vulnerable; by being the first to step forward and interact differently with our partner.

"This relationship has a few issues. I am glad we're in it together, though. I will change to have a healthier, happier life with you."

Now look in the mirror and repeat the above statement.

Look in the mirror: there's the one you can influence.

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post
Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Mountain View's Liquid Menu is reborn as The Phoenix
By Elena Kadvany | 1 comment | 1,651 views

Some Impacts of Driverless Cars
By Steve Levy | 17 comments | 1,579 views

Abruzzo for Work, Amelia for Family, Rome for Love
By Laura Stec | 4 comments | 1,284 views

How are Exotic Animal Training and Learning in Marriage Related?
By Chandrama Anderson | 3 comments | 1,177 views

No on Measures A and C (or, "The School Board gets a 'Needs Improvement' in Public Process”)
By Stuart Soffer | 36 comments | 1,154 views