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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Engagement Rings: Myths and Options

Uploaded: Feb 16, 2017
Perhaps it would have been better to post about engagement rings: myths and options before Valentine’s Day, as many people get engaged on that day each year. Congratulations to those of you did. (To be well set up for a life of marital happiness, and to learn how to deal as a couple with the curveballs life will inevitably throw your way, seek premarital counseling. You want to know how each of you will handle difficult situations, so you are prepared and able to support one another through them.)

There’s a long history of engagement rings from the Roman times to present. I read a fascinating story called The Engagement Ring Story: How DeBeers Created a Multi-Billion Dollar Industry from the Ground Up. It’s about the DeBeers ad campaign that has led to the emotional and psychological attachment of love and marriage to a diamond engagement ring.

Currently an engagement ring is supposed to cost two month’s salary. A diamond is a common stone, but has been monopolized to keep prices high. And once you walk out the door of the jeweler’s, your ring has dropped 50% in value.

Let me just say, I am a personal fan of diamonds; they are my birth stone, and I wear my diamonds all the time. Where they came from is part of the story I want you to know about.

My wedding ring has diamonds that came out of an eternity band that was my grandmother’s, so it has extra special meaning to me. My husband and I designed our wedding rings with a jeweler’s help, and they crafted them for us. My husband got me a gorgeous ring from an eBay site, oldtreasures333. They have all sorts of estate jewelry: diamonds and other precious stones to suit anyone’s taste.

Today on eBay there are over 111,000 estate jewelry pieces for sale. On a Google search for estate jewelry, over 20 million results popped up! And you don’t have to spend two month’s salary.

I got a sample silicone wedding ring for active men and women, and while firefighters, athletes and construction workers, etc. may want one to wear while at work, my husband said it didn’t feel like a real wedding ring.

Of course you and your beloved have to agree about what you both want in an engagement ring and wedding rings. Is having them brand new important to you? Does selecting estate jewelry for the stone(s) and making new rings appeal to you? Is an estate piece as-is the solution for your tastes? There is no right answer here; just a lot of questions.

Notice how you sort through the possibilities. Are you able to discuss these options with clear and honest communication? Are you able to say what you actually want? That doesn’t mean you won’t negotiate.

It’s important for your marriage to be able to say, “This is who I am and what I want.” You won’t always get it, and you will part of the time – especially if your partner is invested in your communal happiness. But not saying what you want and need in all aspects of your relationship leaves you without a voice, and then who does your partner love? If you don’t show up with your authentic self, your partner loves the persona you wear. And that leads to unhappiness, resentment, and maybe divorce.

Don’t bankrupt your partner: emotionally, financially, or spiritually. Talk it through, and decide together how to proceed.


Comments

 +   3 people like this
Posted by Satishjewels2, a resident of Los Altos,
on Feb 18, 2017 at 12:30 am

Satishjewels2 is a registered user.

Women, you need that complete look for every occasion when you are in special attires. And there is no doubt that it is the jewels that really mirror the magnificent beauty of your attires. Even though there are several types of jewels to adorn your body parts, earrings only can give that complete look in rendering the real beauty.
Earrings staying with ear or suspending from ear make the look good and attractive. Just keep your hair back to your ear to showcase the real sensations of feminine features fused with fragrance of love and romance. Diamond with its natural powers adding plus to secret sensations really makes you feel proud and happy.


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