This entire script is in Ms. Kearton's 1993 book, "Waiting for the Banana Peel." In this excerpt (edited for brevity) of a send-up of the police drama "Dragnet," untimely death comes to Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
The scene: Detective Friday and his partner Thursday learn that Goldilocks was found dead on the street.
Friday: "Yes, she was found wearing a derby and slacks."
Thursday: "At least she died like a man."
Friday: "Here's a hospital report on Father Bear. They performed an autopsy."
Thursday: "What'd he die from?"
Friday: "The autopsy."
(They go to the home of the Three Bears)
Friday: "In here, Thursday, this is where the bears live."
Thursday: "How do you know?"
Friday: "Look what's on the floor: a people-skin rug. And there's Baby Bear. He's been murdered.
Thursday: "The killer must still be here. The body's still warm."
Friday: "It oughtta be. It's on the stove. You'd better examine it for bullets and then check with ballistics."
Thursday: "What's ballistics?"
Friday: "I don't know, but they always say that on 'Dragnet.'"