Couples Doubles Tennis | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Almanac Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Couples Doubles Tennis

Uploaded: Jan 13, 2015
As a couple, please imagine that you are partners playing doubles tennis in life. This means that the two of you are on the same side. Whatever difficulty you are facing is across the net.

Whether these issues are about children, careers, family of origin, housecleaning, chores, caring for aging or dying parents, finances and more; all of those are on the other side of your net.

Even the interpersonal struggles of your marriage are over the net. The two of you are still a team. This doesn't mean agreeing on everything, it doesn't mean putting up with behavior that crosses your boundaries. It doesn't mean doing everything together. It doesn't mean giving up who you intrinsically are.

It does mean sorting out and getting to the root of things together. It does mean being committed to connection, giving in each others' Love Languages. It may mean giving up certain behaviors, changing even.

As you may know, my MIL (mom of my heart) is dying. I had to fire her care giver company yesterday for an ethical breach (not a care giving one). It was an extremely stressful situation, and we did not have much time to deal with it during our busy day. But my husband and I were in it together. And time was of the essence.

We talked it through in small moments throughout the day, brought out all of our concerns, consulted with others, decided what the actions items were, who would do them, and took those actions. We learned a few lessons and will do certain things a little differently with the next care givers.

We stayed on one side of the net. We took care of each other. We ate comfort food for supper. We watched football. Fell asleep resting on one another.

Now I need to go find another care giver . . .
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Get fact-based reporting on the COVID-19 crisis sent to your inbox daily.

'Buck's will never die.' After 29 years, owners pass longtime Woodside favorite to their sons
By Elena Kadvany | 5 comments | 4,967 views

Kids and sugar: A cautionary tale
By Sherry Listgarten | 8 comments | 2,828 views

Couples: Are you Committed to your Vows or Dysfunction?
By Chandrama Anderson | 2 comments | 2,419 views

Do peaceful protests do any good? How about the more violent ones?
By Diana Diamond | 9 comments | 1,521 views

Preparing for School
By Cheryl Bac | 0 comments | 908 views