By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
View all posts from Chandrama Anderson
I am working on a series of marriage interviews to share with you. They are anonymous so that these generous people will share a bit of their personal lives with Couple's Net.
If you'd like to be interviewed, email me ([email protected]
), and I'll be in touch.
Here's the first interview:
This woman has been married 15 years, and had two previous marriages of 10+ years.
She met her husband 20 years ago at a New Year's party. Her dear friends were neighbors of his, and she went along with them to the party, where she met her future husband.
They began dating eight months later, and married about four years after that.
One of her biggest problems with the marriage was deciding whether to marry. She was reluctant since she would have to give up the house she owned and move across the Bay, away from her community, colleagues and friends. He agreed to re-do the inside of his house to suit her. So she decided to marry him.
As I've written here on Couple's Net, women don't want their husband to fix things; women want their husband to listen and be a good sounding board.
This couple ran into this very issue. One time her husband got frustrated because he couldn't help her solve a problem and so he told her, "We can't talk about this anymore." She was in a rage then.
After 24 hours, he came back, and said he had realized that he'd over-reacted, and they could talk about it. He was able then to listen without trying to fix it. She also realized that maybe she would not burden him quite so much with her issues.
This wife's tips for couples are:
1. Keep a sense of humor
2. Don't fight when you're angry; calm down first
3. Marry somebody mature
4. Have lots in common; do a lot together