Taboo Topics in a Relationship or Marriage | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Almanac Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Taboo Topics in a Relationship or Marriage

Uploaded: Sep 22, 2016
You tell each other everything, right? Pause. Are there things you don’t tell each other?

If you’re telling each other everything, it puts you in good stead for a relationship where you are each others’ top priority, even with the siren songs of career, kids, family, etc.

If you’re not telling each other everything, why is that? Are you withholding? Do you think your beloved doesn’t want to hear?

Telling everything doesn’t mean all conversations need to be long and drawn out. Having 20 minutes when you get home in which you each listen for 10 minutes while the other shares about the day or what’s on her mind, or his joyful or crappy moment. At this house, we like to ask each other what happened today that was weird. I started doing this with my son when he reached the ‘grunt for an answer’ stage when I’d ask about his day. I usually got a great story by asking what was weird today.

Each of you can write out a list of taboo topics. Is it sex? Wanting exciting, erotic sex, when you have “vanilla” sex? Money? In-laws? This is not your bitch list at your partner, BTW. It’s a list of things you don’t or won’t talk about. Things that feel edgy or you feel unsure about bringing up. Then share your lists with each other.

How much overlap is on your lists? Those might be good places to start your conversation. Go slowly. Notice how you feel in your body as you discuss the topic. If you start getting stressed, ask for support from your partner. That could be eye contact, or a simple touch or hug, or words of love and support.

Over time, work your way through your list of taboo topics. My hope is that you will be and feel closer, more connected, and have fewer barriers between you – in other words, more intimacy.

Let me know how it goes.
What is democracy worth to you?
Support local journalism.

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post
Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay informed

Get daily headlines sent straight to your inbox.

DoorDash is opening a shared delivery kitchen in Redwood City. What does that say about the future of the restaurant industry?
By Elena Kadvany | 9 comments | 3,215 views

What did you learn last week?
By Sherry Listgarten | 14 comments | 1,864 views

Menlo Park Can Learn A Lot from Palo Alto (Part 1)
By Dana Hendrickson | 3 comments | 1,188 views

Bond. Bond Touch.
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 931 views

The holiday season
By Cheryl Bac | 2 comments | 796 views