Couples: Initiators and Implementors | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Almanac Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Couples: Initiators and Implementors

Uploaded: Oct 12, 2017
I've noticed an issue between couples regarding one partner who is more an initiator or more an implementor. Or in some relationships, one is the initiator at home, and the other is the initiator in the work world. Whatever we are, we usually wish our partner were more what we are.

With further thought, how would it actually be if you were matched on this continuuim?

I see this a lot in relation to raising kids. Mom (most often) is super-attuned to the kids and what they need. That is great for the emotional health of the kids as it leads to secure attachment (as long as the parents aren't doing too much--or everything--for their kids since some difficulties in childhood lead to resiliency). The problem comes in that Mom wants Dad to be super-attuned to the needs of the kids AND be super-attuned to her perception of the needs of the kids. These are two different things.

Kids need a mom and a dad--and they parent differently; that's good for your kids actually.

But on the grander scale, who initiates in your relationship? Who implements what is initiated? Are you both on the same page about this? Are you doing it with a good heart, or because you don't want to rock the boat?
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay informed.

Get the day's top headlines from Almanac Online sent to your inbox.

Implications of Remote Work for Palo Alto
By Steve Levy | 3 comments | 3,767 views

Coping with a tragedy — without coddling ourselves
By Diana Diamond | 6 comments | 2,610 views

Cheez(steak) Whiz: A Philly transplant's guide to the Peninsula's best cheesesteaks
By The Peninsula Foodist | 4 comments | 2,547 views

 

Check out our latest awards

The Almanac was honored with nine awards for its newspaper and website in the annual California Journalism Awards competition, including first place for local election coverage. These awards are a tremendous affirmation of the quality of our reporting, photography, editing and design. Become a member today to support another year of award-winning journalism.

Read More