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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Couples: When Wrong Admit It; When Right; Shut Up

Uploaded: Jan 19, 2018
“To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.” - Ogden Nash

Why is it a good idea to admit when you’re wrong? Here are several reasons:

1. It creates honesty and integrity in your relationship which leads to openness and transparency and ultimately happiness.

2. We’re human; therefore wrong at times; it lets you be human and not perfect. No one is perfect and striving to be so is exhausting for you—and your partner.

3. It lets your beloved feel safe to admit when s/he’s wrong, too.

4. Almost everyone wants a genuine apology when warranted. You need to know your concerns are heard and valued.

5. People have moods. A solid relationship can handle that when it’s handled well between you.

6. It’s possible that in your family growing up you didn’t see your parents apologize to one another or admit a wrong, so you don’t have the context for doing so But you can learn—starting now. Did your parents ever apologize to you?

7. Admitting when you’re wrong actually makes you trustworthy. Sounds sort of backwards; you’ve done a wrong which might make you feel untrustworthy, but admitting it and dealing with it makes you trustworthy. Cool, huh?

It’s just delicious being right, isn’t it? So satisfying and the “I told you so” floats to the surface . . . however, zip it! How does it feel to be on the other end of that smug rightness?

When you’re right, why should you shut up?

1. Because gloating sucks!

2. It pushes your partner away.

3. It creates an up/down power imbalance: I’m up, you’re down; instead of we’re together.

4. Connection and communication are probably the most important things in a relationship; going on about being right costs in both of those areas.

5. S/he probably knows you were right and appreciates not having you rub it in her/his face.

6. It increases your esteem in your partner’s eyes. You’ve been gracious and s/he knows that.

I've worked with plenty of couples who struggle with the need to be right. Once they got past it, their relationship was so much better. Give it a try and let me know how it's going.

Comments

 +  Like this comment
Posted by Sea Seelam Reddy, a resident of College Terrace,
on Jan 24, 2018 at 4:01 am

Sea Seelam Reddy is a registered user.

In a marriage the most important is trust.
It's also being a family and respecting each other.
It's not about who is right who is wrong, it is living the life with mutual admiration and compassion.

Here is my formula; innovation, integrity and inclusion as pillars for living.

respectfully


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