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By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Couples: A Relationship Test . . .

Uploaded: Oct 18, 2018
. . . try riding a tandem bicycle with your partner.

My husband and I got a tandem over the weekend. We test drove it in a parking lot. Within 30 seconds it was clear that transparency and communication are of utmost importance -- as is true in relationships. When he stopped pedaling, my pedals stopped while I was still in forward motion; my feet flew off the pedals. When he started again, I wasn't ready; reflexively I moved my feet out of the way of the spinning pedals.

Did I get mad? No. Do couples get mad over these types of things? You betcha! Timing, plans, being heard (being seen), control, etc. can be a very big deal.

I calmly said that I need to know when he will stop or start pedaling since the pedals were connected. We laughed, and started again, using words this time. "On three . . . one . . . two . . . three." It was really fun. I'll let you know how it's going.

Comments

 +  Like this comment
Posted by avg customer support, a resident of Slater,
on Oct 19, 2018 at 5:47 am

avg customer support is a registered user.

nice article


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by menlo mom, a resident of Menlo Park: University Heights,
on Oct 22, 2018 at 5:26 pm

menlo mom is a registered user.

My mother-in-law loves to canoe or kayak with her husband for similar reasons! This summer, in honor of their anniversary, she tried to plan a group canoe trip down a river with the adult children, their spouses, and all the big-kid cousins. Part of the purpose (outside of togetherness) was to promote teamwork and communication for the couples, siblings, and cousins. Alas, the canoes were all rented, and we ended up drifting down the river together in inner tubes...and no one ended up sleeping on the couch! :)


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