By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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. . . try riding a tandem bicycle with your partner.
My husband and I got a tandem over the weekend. We test drove it in a parking lot. Within 30 seconds it was clear that transparency and communication are of utmost importance -- as is true in relationships. When he stopped pedaling, my pedals stopped while I was still in forward motion; my feet flew off the pedals. When he started again, I wasn't ready; reflexively I moved my feet out of the way of the spinning pedals.
Did I get mad? No. Do couples get mad over these types of things? You betcha! Timing, plans, being heard (being seen), control, etc. can be a very big deal.
I calmly said that I need to know when he will stop or start pedaling since the pedals were connected. We laughed, and started again, using words this time. "On three . . . one . . . two . . . three." It was really fun. I'll let you know how it's going.