From what I see in my clinical practice, we all have ideals and look to fulfill those with our partner. However, I’ve noticed that each person’s meaning about many things is different; and often not talked about in detail. We assume we mean the same thing by our words and actions; and we may be hurt by words and/or actions that have specific meaning to us. Often, our partner means something else.
I encourage you to be open and honest, first with yourself, about your philosophy of love, and then with your partner. Many people are afraid that “If only s/he really knew me, s/he wouldn’t love me.”
I would like to turn that around: If you don’t show up in your relationship as authentically as you can, then who is there for your partner to love?