Couples Counseling, Al Pacino Style | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Almanac Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Couples Counseling, Al Pacino Style

Uploaded: Nov 8, 2019
I had the pleasure of listening to Pete Pearson of the Couple's Institute in Menlo Park talk about the importance of working as a team in couple's counseling. He showed the following video clip of Al Pacino giving an inspirational talk to his football team before a big game, and asked us to think about how it relates to couples counseling:

In my way of working, there are not only the three of us in the room, each of you, but there is the third entity -- your relationship. Also, there are each of your parents (or whomever raised you), plus your life experience encoded into the very cells of your body, your implicit and explicit memory; all triggered by your limbic brain for survival in 1/200th of a second.

Now that's a crowded room!

My job as the coach of this large team is to draw out the many facets of who you are in constructive ways, and to teach tools for win/win in your relationship. Active listening is not enough: what does your experience mean to you? What does a specific action or word, mean to you? I'm certain it means something different to your partner.

The truth is, you can not do it alone. Even if you learned growing up that "Things will be done competently only if I do it myself," that can not be true in a committed relationship: there are two of you. You need a two person system.

If you think about it, it's no wonder conversations or understanding can be so difficult; you look at one another and see what you see. You look like one person to her, yet underneath your skin is a host of beliefs, values, voices, needs, wants, fears, feelings, and experiences  . . . The many facets of your authentic self, some of whom you know, and others that you try to hide, even from yourself. This is your humanity, your gift and your weakness.

We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Get the most important local news stories sent straight to your inbox daily.

Biden wins -- but by a smaller margin -- Is this a better way to do it?
By Diana Diamond | 14 comments | 2,068 views

How to Buy a Used EV
By Sherry Listgarten | 1 comment | 1,892 views

Premarital and Couples: Giving Thanks
By Chandrama Anderson | 1 comment | 1,438 views

Tree Lighting Ceremonies
By Cheryl Bac | 1 comment | 533 views

Having A "Turkey-Less" Menlo Park Thanksgiving? Or Simply Tired of Leftovers Again? Then Help Our Local Restaurants!
By Dana Hendrickson | 1 comment | 207 views

 

Support local families in need

Your contribution to the Holiday Fund will go directly to nonprofits supporting local families and children in need. Last year, Almanac readers and foundations contributed over $150,000.

DONATE