By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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Take a listen to Philip Philips song, "Unpack Your Heart."
We Want to be Known
Most of us, at heart, want to be truly known, accepted, and loved as we are. And we may fear being known with all of our shadows and uncertainties, thoughts, feelings, life experiences, and scars. We also have our own light to shine, that no other person can do.
This song invites us to show up as we are, accepted and healed by our relationship with our beloved. Of course, "Unpack Your Heart" doesn't allude to how much work that might be!
We May be Afraid to be Known
And we can heal in relationship, especially since most of our wounding came from relationship, whether in our early or adult years.
It may be difficult when we begin to learn of our beloved's authentic inner self and what is most hidden. Yet, we all have scars.
These are our opportunities to grow and become more intimate as a couple, even if they are not easy instances.
I read a quote recently in which a man said of his wife that he was attracted to her for a certain trait she had that he didn't have; but then didn't realize just how much of that trait he would get from her. This is common.
I invite you to think about your heart, what's been unpacked already, and what's still packed. Are you ready to unpack your heart with your love?