“Love like a Man” Men: Read this book! (Women, too.) | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Almanac Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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“Love like a Man” Men: Read this book! (Women, too.)

Uploaded: Apr 7, 2023
Love like a Man, A Frenchman’s Guide to Help American Men be Better Partners, by Guy Blaise is a must read.

As I was reading it, I thought to myself, “If all men read this, and implemented it, women--or male partners--would be so much happier. I might even be out of a job! And that would actually make me happy because couples would be emotionally and physically connected.

Here are a few gems from the book, just randomly opening it:

Bathroom Etiquette

Dear Guy, My wife is constantly complaining that I am being messy in the bathroom. Is this what women like to nag about after getting married? -Ted, TX
Dear Ted, There is no nice way to say this. If you walk into a clean bathroom, piss into the wind, then go about your business without a care in the world, you are creating a conflict with your partner. Whether or not you wash your hands before leaving the bathroom is anyone’s guess. If you can’t pee properly, I can’t imagine you make love right . . .”

No Boys Allowed
Dear Guy,

My husband is addicted to video games. He gets home from work and plays until dinner time, and he plays after dinner, sometimes until long after I’ve gone to bed. He rarely helps with our two children and I am exhausted from having to do everything. I feel like a single mother of three. Should I give him an ultimatum?
- Heather, VA

Dear Heather,

Ultimatums rarely work. A man must know how to balance responsibility with fun. A woman can’t feel confident in her relationship when she feels like a parent to her man instead of a partner. It is clear that your husband’s behavior is causing you resentment, and unhappiness. A dialogue is important. I don’t know how well you have communicated your feelings to him. It is possible that he is dismissing your complaints as nagging. Perhaps he is not aware of the seriousness of the problem. If he is aware, however, and is continuing the same pattern of behavior, he is making a statement. Ultimately, you cannot change his behavior, but you can decide whether or not you were willing to accept it. After making your feelings clear, you will have to decide if it’s ‘Game Over’.

All the best, Guy.

Emotions have no Gender

Say what you want about the French, but it wouldn’t hurt you to be a little more like us when it comes to expressing your emotions. Emotions are not exclusive to one gender, and Frenchman know this. It does not make you less of a man to tell your partner, your genuine feelings– it makes you human.

Try it. You may be surprised to find that your improved communication makes your relationship stronger.

Cock Blockers

I noticed many American men staying in relationships out of convenience, knowing that they have no intention of marrying their partner. If you know she wants to get married and you do not plan on asking her to marry you, stop wasting her time. Some of you treat your partners like housekeepers or cooks. You behave like roommates to help each other out with bills. Cock blockers get into relationships with women and keep them from seeing other men, even though they are not going to take things to the next level. Men stay in these relationships to kill time until the right one comes along. It is selfish behavior, and it says a lot about you. You would never string along someone who truly loves you.

I don’t need to say more, other than: Get the book and read it today!
What is it worth to you?


Posted by NanaDi, a resident of Midtown,
on Apr 11, 2023 at 10:30 am

NanaDi is a registered user.

Very good advice! I wish this article (or book) had been available 60 years ago, when I was also feeling like a Single Mom, raising my 6 kids!!

Posted by Jimmy Thompson, a resident of Atherton: Lindenwood,
on Apr 14, 2023 at 11:34 pm

Jimmy Thompson is a registered user.

This is a great article!

Posted by Beatrice Collins, a resident of Community Center,
on Apr 15, 2023 at 9:32 am

Beatrice Collins is a registered user.

Sounds more like common sense advice.

Posted by Bradley Gaines, a resident of Old Palo Alto,
on Apr 16, 2023 at 10:11 am

Bradley Gaines is a registered user.

A man should always acknowledge his significant other's concerns regardless of how trivial they may seem.

Good listening skills are important in order to weed-out the inconsequential issues.

Posted by Fredericka Hauser, a resident of another community,
on Apr 17, 2023 at 8:48 am

Fredericka Hauser is a registered user.

Convenience of the relationship is also applicable to women who stay on because of low self-esteem and/or financial conveniences.

As far as a man expressing his emotions, while many women prefer someone truly capable of conveying his feelings, most do not want a whiney wuss.

Lastly, the contentious bathroom issue can be solved by using separate bathrooms...I use the the in our bedroom while my husband uses the hallroom bathroom. Since the hallroom is also for guests, his responsibility is to keep it clean and presentable.

Posted by Fredericka Hauser, a resident of another community,
on Apr 17, 2023 at 8:50 am

Fredericka Hauser is a registered user.

Typo/Correction: I use the [ONE] in our bathroom...

Posted by Lonnie Young, a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood,
on Apr 17, 2023 at 12:40 pm

Lonnie Young is a registered user.

Sometines it can be difficult to effectively communicate with one's spouse.

As Peg Bundy noted in 'Marriage With Children', "Men are only interested in food and sex."

Posted by Marcie Davenport, a resident of Walnut Creek,
on Apr 18, 2023 at 9:48 am

Marcie Davenport is a registered user.

Though this blog topic and its references are seemingly targeted towards straight couples, LGBTQ unions are often faced with the same issues.

Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Almanac Online blogger,
on Apr 18, 2023 at 10:01 am

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

We agree, Marcie.

Posted by Chuck Hawkins (USMC ret.), a resident of another community,
on Apr 19, 2023 at 12:39 pm

Chuck Hawkins (USMC ret.) is a registered user.

In our household, my wife is in charge of all household decisions (including child discipline, shopping, and schooling) while I focus more on national/local politics, sports, and voting decisions.

Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Almanac Online blogger,
on Apr 19, 2023 at 5:11 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Hi Chuck, Do you and your wife both work outside the home? She definitely has a full time job at home, from your description. Did both of you agree to this arrangement with a good heart? Have you ever gone back to discuss it again, and update your agreement if/when situations have changed? It sounds from over here, that she's doing all the work. As long as couples agree to an arrangement, and no one felt coerced into agreeing, then I'm happy for you both.

Posted by Ron Flores, a resident of another community,
on Apr 20, 2023 at 1:10 pm

Ron Flores is a registered user.

The same applies in our family. While the man is the promary breadwinner, the wife/mother is the matriarch.

Posted by Ron Flores, a resident of another community,
on Apr 20, 2023 at 1:15 pm

Ron Flores is a registered user.

[promary] should read 'primary' but I would also like to add that this family dynamic is shared by many cultures most notably AfricanAmericans, Hispanics, and some Asians.

The wife/mother is the General Manager of the household as as a working husband/father, I am OK with this balance of power.

Posted by Bryan Longley, a resident of San Ramon,
on Apr 20, 2023 at 3:09 pm

Bryan Longley is a registered user.

I give my wife my paychecks and she in turn allocatess me an allowance to cover my weekday lunches, gas, and minor incidentals.

Though it sounds childish, she is an excellent money manager. Because I have a relatively decent and well-paying job, she does not have work in order to supplement the family income.

In our house it is the man's job to be the primary breadwinner and the woman's role is to raise our children while maintaining the household including the handling of related finances.

Though this may sound a bit old-fashioned.

Posted by Grant Winslet, a resident of Walnut Creek,
on Apr 20, 2023 at 5:19 pm

Grant Winslet is a registered user.

Having one's wife serve as both a homemaker and an all-encompassing mother figure to her children and husband as well can be advantageous but it requires a woman with a dominant alpha personality and for some married men this is an unacceptable arrangement.

It really depends on the natural chemistry between the two spouses.

My wife coddles me all of the time and I am grateful for her devotion to my well-being because it gives her special pleasure to feel needed by someone.

Posted by Lenora Peterson, a resident of another community,
on Apr 21, 2023 at 8:47 am

Lenora Peterson is a registered user.

@Grant Winslet: a dominant alpha personality on the part of a wife and mother who takes full responsibility for running a household is not required...just attention to detail with good time management skills.

Women often opt to marry the best provider they can stomach and with this decision comes other duties like placating the man to make him feel more important than he actually is.

Posted by Joselyn Peck, a resident of Greendell/Walnut Grove,
on Apr 21, 2023 at 9:17 am

Joselyn Peck is a registered user.

I was married to a 'Mama's Boy' once and it got very tiresome as I grew older.

Males who never grow up or are perpetually tied to their mother's apron strings will never fully develop into MEN.

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