Flirtation

To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.- E.W. Howe

As Mira Kirshenbaum writes in her book, “When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships,” we need to keep the windows and doors of our relationship shut in order to avoid affairs. These can be physical affairs, or as devastating to women in particular, emotional affairs.

How many of the emotional and physical affairs begin with flirtation? Likely, most.

An emotional affair is when you spend time talking about personal and intimate things with someone other than your spouse (even about your marriage), and you don’t tell your spouse that you are talking to this other person about these topics. Eventually you stop talking to your spouse about the topics and just talk to your “friend” about the topics. Next you are hiding quite a lot, and your primary emotional connection is not to your spouse any longer, but to the third party. An emotional affair does not necessarily include a physical or sexual relationship.

Men have told me they like to “window shop” and that they are “not dead” even if they are married. Women have told me they don’t want their mate flirting or looking at other women when they are present. Is this flirtation?

Certain people are naturally flirty. What does he get out of it? How does it affect her spouse? Is being naturally flirty a problem? The answers to these questions are very personal, and related specifically to the person, her childhood, his marriage.

If you or your beloved have concerns about flirtation, make time to talk about it. Before making accusations and “you” statements, be curious. Try asking the questions I have posed above, and more of your own.

Ultimately, if flirtation bothers your lover, why continue to flirt?