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By Chandrama Anderson

Signs and Symptoms of Parallel Living

Uploaded: Jan 28, 2016

As I wrote recently in my best tip for marriage – which is to take care of it, I’ve been thinking of the signs and symptoms of parallel living that I see and hear about.

Parallel living overall is the opposite of living as an intimate married couple.

If you watch kids play, as you may have with other families, the kids are near each other, but each one is actually playing on its own. This is a normal developmental step called parallel play, before kids learn about playing with others.

The following may seem to be different, but I view them similarly.

I’ve written about ships heading just slightly in different directions, which over time can lead to another continent altogether.

Many families don’t have meals together; and while some do, I sure see a lot of devices at the table. In fact, I was Amici’s a month or two ago and saw a dad with three kids, each on their own device. That’s not actually a family meal.

Do you feel you really know your partner anymore? What goes on in his mind? What are her biggest concerns these days?

Do you talk about topics other than logistics?

When you have free time, who do you spend it with? Who would you like to be spending it with?

What are your favorite interests and activities? Do you have more or less of them in common now?

And the big one I hear often: we’re good roommates, but we don’t function as a married couple. In other words, we don’t feel connected, loved, sought after, romanced, desired, sexy, comforted, and so on.

Are you near each other in proximity, but each “playing” on your own? I’m not implying you have to be engaged all the time, by the way. I’m talking about trends.

If after reading this and finding yourself responding or resonating “Yes” to several of these signs and symptoms of parallel living, you have noticed important information about the state of your marriage.

Now it’s up to you to decide what to do about it.

If we keep doing what we’re doing, we’ll keep getting what we’re getting.

If you want a different outcome, take action!

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