Hey guys, it's your turn now to become mothers! | An Alternative View | Diana Diamond | Almanac Online |


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By Diana Diamond

Hey guys, it's your turn now to become mothers!

Uploaded: Sep 6, 2021

I am tired of those men, particularly the males in the Texas legislature, dictating what women can, and cannot do, with their own bodies. That's been a BIG topic among my friends here in Palo Alto who are discussing and debating how to turn this draconian mew Texas anti-abortion law around. My idea: It's time for we women to decide just what men can and cannot do with their bodies!

Forget about little things like purchasing Viagra over the counter. And put aside the fact that for years any woman who wanted birth control pills had to get a prescription for a packet of pills. As for morning-after pills, they are only effective before the embryo implants itself on the ovarian wall -- usually about 48 hours or so. One morning-after brand is available without a prescription, but the other brand requires a doctor's prescription, which is hard to do if you had sex on a Saturday night and it's Labor Day weekend so no doctor is reachable until Tuesday. By that time the pill won't work.

I looked at the 10 most popular male enhancement pills. Not one required a prescription.

But my idea is unique. We women have had our turn for centuries in carrying and bearing a baby, so now it's time for men to have the babies. Equal rights, right?

In my scenario, the procedure is a bit tricky. It would involve a transplant of some female organs. Of course, men would have to take testosterone-lowering pills and estrogen-increasing pills, but in today's scientific medical age, it could be done. I do admit I haven't figured out the plumbing reconfiguration that would be needed, but some researcher will figure that out.

So, the right things happen. And soon the guy learns that indeed he is pregnant. Because he is larger than a woman, the baby will need to grow a bit more, so let's say pregnancy lasts 18, not nine months.

Here's where the Texas law comes in. The man is pregnant, and let us assume he then decides he doesn't want to go through all this. Although, now the problem is that the new Texas law says one can only have an abortion during the first six weeks to qualify for an abortion. The way the state counts is from the end of the previous period. The next one will come four weeks later -- that means four of the six weeks have occurred before a woman even know if she is pregnant, with only two weeks left to get a legal abortion. After that, a flat prohibition is in effect -- even if rape or incest is the cause of the pregnancy. Ugh.

Once he gets pregnant, his doctor says no alcohol permitted, because it may damage the baby; ditto with smoking. And i's best if he only gains about 20 pounds, which includes the weight of the baby.

Warning -- he may experience morning sickness for weeks, find himself eating lots of saltines, gaining weight, and getting bigger and bigger which will require new trousers and shirts. Finally, he goes into labor -- let's say for three days, 24 hours a day. It's very painful. I know.

And then he will realize what women go through each time they get pregnant.

At least he has purchased a crib, a stroller, a bassinet, 100s of diapers, etc. and converted his home office into the baby's room.

The man delivers a son, and he is very happy. His wife kisses and congratulates him and goes off to work, so the next day he goes home and realizes that he now has to feed the infant six or eight times a day, and then change the baby's diapers -- frequently. He burps the baby and all the upchucked milk lands on his shirt back.

What fun -- and such a new experience.

Your wife has a full-time job with lots of travel, so you and baby are alone all day for six months, during which time you have to search for a good, competent, caring, consistent babysitter, so you can go back to work. The weekly charges are overwhelming, but you need to work -- and don't forget to have breast milk bottled daily for your son to drink a couple of times each day.

Once back on the job, you find yourself worrying about your baby all day long but that's the way motherhood works, which is good.

Good luck, have fun, good wishes, and Happy Mother's Day! That's the day each year we tell you how much we appreciate all you do and take you out for brunch!

Get the message, male Texas legislators?

P.S. I've had four sons and would never trade the wonderful experience of raising them.