What happens when a group of civic-minded women in Menlo Park begin to speak up, engage one another in conversation, work together on shared causes, and claim leadership roles in the city? What happens, especially, when these women have a different viewpoint than an established group of politicos?
Our society has long held women in leadership positions to a different standard than their male peers. Female ambition can provoke a particular type of vitriol and contempt from naysayers. Here in Menlo Park, what is, at its heart a policy disagreement has played out similarly, morphing into a series of attacks that have vilified and publicly shamed council members Betsy Nash, Cecilia Taylor and Jen Wolosin, along with local activist Karen Grove and the women-led organization she helped found, Menlo Together (of which I am a proud member).
It’s time for this hateful, sexist rhetoric to stop. Here are a few ways I’ve seen misogynist stereotypes play out recently in Menlo Park politics. These publicly accessible comments are only the tip of the iceberg — an iceberg that goes beyond these particular players with their particular style and method of public communication. It runs deep.
On the one hand, folks who disagree with these women on policy have used opinion pieces, letters to the editor and online forums (The Almanac’s Town Square and NextDoor) to paint them as incompetent, unqualified and unreasonable, a common stereotype of women leaders. They are “well meaning but out of touch” (Henry Riggs), conducting business in a way that suggests “amateur hour” (“Ali Mad”), engaged in “silliness” (“Brian”), and “can’t differentiate ideology from practicality” (Stu Soffer). In contrast, their male council members are persistently “reasonable” and can think straight because they are not “under the Menlo Together spell.” (This is “PH,” referencing witchcraft, another misogynist theme that has not ended well for women.)
In the same breath, critics portray these women as catty, threatening, and manipulative (again, common sexist tropes). “Brian” has characterized Menlo Together members’ studiously respectful public comments at council meetings as “attacking” the males on the dais. The women on council are “corrupt” (Brian), a “3 lady cabal” (“Ali Mad”) and “a front for Menlo Together” (Brian), which, “is now effectively making all the decisions for our city” and “has an agenda to take over the council” (“Frozen”). In fact, Nash, Taylor and Wolosin were just “Trojan Horse candidates” put in place by the Menlo Together cabal (“Frozen”). “Observer” has asked, “Who is behind this group?” “Someone is expecting to profit by strip-mining Menlo Park” and goes on to warn others to “Expect more decisions that reflect the group’s hidden and not-so-hidden agenda.”
Our society often perceives men who speak authoritatively to be confident. A woman who does the same is often deemed bossy, arrogant or lecturing. “Observer” paints our female City Council members and Menlo Together members as “ideologues who’ve glommed onto the virtue signaling.” According to Henry Riggs, the independent study the city commissioned determine the potential impacts of Measure V was “dictated” by Karen Grove. (For the record, Karen “urged” council to do this in a politely worded email in which she also thanked them for their consideration.) Riggs also warned recently in a guest opinion (Almanac, Oct. 21) that the current state of affairs in Menlo Park is a “dictatorship by clique,” utilizing both the bossy and mean girl tropes in one fell swoop.
This is all particularly frustrating because Council members Wolosin, Taylor, and Nash, as well as Karen Grove and members of Menlo Together, are among the most independent, integrity-filled, hardworking, scrupulously respectful, intelligent, curious, honest, thoughtful people I know. Just because they happen to share some values does not mean they are conspiring some take over of Menlo Park (and certainly not for their own financial or other gain). There is nothing nefarious about a group of engaged citizens choosing to spend their time and money in ways that align with their values.
I’d like to think that “Frozen,” “Observer” and others I’ve quoted here (as well as those who repeat these themes in other forums) don’t realize they are perpetuating sexist stereotypes. In the future, I hope they choose to disagree on policy matters without falling back on age-old misogynist biases.
Heather Hopkins is a member of Community Equity Collaborative and Menlo Together, and serves on the Las Lomitas School District board.
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