The 18 people gathered around the big table in the back room of a bakery in San Mateo come from different cities, different backgrounds, different faiths and different occupations. But they say they are a family — a family joined by the shared pain of having an addict as a family member or close friend.
As many as three nights a week they gather to share their stories, to learn about addiction, and to provide moral support to each other under the auspices of the Adapt Foundation. Founded less than a year ago by half a dozen people who met in another support group, Adapt now sponsors meetings three nights a week in three different locations in San Mateo County
“It grew to be a family,” says one regular. A family, he adds, “willing to take other family members in.”
“We offer support and love in a group environment,” explained another group member.
Carol Kahm, who is working toward a master’s degree in psychology, is the meeting facilitator. Not only does Ms. Kahm study the science of addiction, but she brings her personal experience of having three addicts who are close relations.
To give those attending Adapt meetings the freedom to talk openly about their experiences, one of Ms. Kahm’s rules for the group is: “What is said in the group stays in the group.” In that spirit, The Almanac is not identifying those quoted in this story, and is changing certain identifying characteristics such as age or sex to protect their privacy.
“You don’t talk about this (addiction) like you would other diseases,” said one father. “We have guilt over it happening and we have shame over it happening.” That guilt and shame, he said, doesn’t really come from the reaction of outsiders, though. “I think it’s all internal,” he said.
Ms. Kahm said addiction needs to be brought out into the open, however. “That’s what helps perpetuate addiction — everyone keeps quiet about it,” she said. “The addiction is not the worst thing that can happen. It is treatable.”
One of the founders of the organization has a son who grew up in one of the Peninsula’s most expensive communities, attended an elite private high school, and graduated from an Ivy League college before becoming a heroin addict.
“Crack is way worse than heroin,” his mother said. “Meth is, I guess, the absolute worst.”
The son recently celebrated his birthday in jail, awaiting sentencing on a felony burglary charge.
“Drug addicts are not those terrible street people in East Palo Alto — they’re everybody’s kids,” the mother said.
Another group member’s son, a product of a similar background but whose addiction began while he attended a private high school, just graduated from his third treatment program in a year.
Some of the drug dealers, selling heroin, methamphetamines and other “hard drugs,” are also former classmates of their children, he said. “There are no socio-economic borders when it comes to drugs,” he said.
Ms. Kahm agreed. “It does happen in Menlo Park and Palo Alto and Atherton and Woodside and the Presidio.”
Adapt’s founders met in a support group for the families of those going through addiction treatment. They found that program so valuable that when it lost its funding they formed Adapt, meeting at first in Ms. Kahm’s living room.
“You need somewhere to share your story where you’re not judged,” one parent said.
Now they meet in the back room of a bakery, in a meeting room at a library and in a psychiatrist’s office. Nearly 50 people a week attend the meetings, and 10 volunteer board members run the organization. They receive no government funding and survive solely on donations.
Adapt hopes to soon begin also meeting in East Palo Alto, where board members feel there is a great need for their services, if funding can be found.
At a recent meeting, a burly single father told about what he had just gone through after his former girlfriend, the mother of his child, was kicked out of a rehab program. As the woman spiraled out of control, he turned to the friends he had made at Adapt meetings to help him through it.
“I’m blessed and grateful to have you people in my life,” he said.
After the story was shared, others at the meeting offered reactions.
“It just shows how people we love can drive us absolutely nuts,” said one. “We’re always waiting for something to happen.”
Carol reminded those at the meeting to remember “it is our choice — whether or not to get sucked into their addiction.”
One of the participants said that lesson is a hard one. “People come in wanting to do something for the addict, but leave trying to do something for themselves.”
“Being the parent of an addict is, truthfully, having to be able to do everything contrary to being a good mother,” said one of the participants who has a child in jail right now. “Basically we can’t save them from themselves.”
Like other chronic diseases, addicts also suffer remissions.
“I can’t stop going to these meetings because I have a drug addict in my life the rest of my life. He’s not going to be cured, ever,” said one father.
Barbara Wood is a freelance writer, photographer and gardener from Woodside. Her column runs the third week of the month.
INFORMATION
• Adapt meetings are held Mondays at Kathy’s Kreative Kakes, 631 South B Street, San Mateo, from 5:30 to 7 p.m.; Tuesdays at the Redwood Shores Library, 399 Marine Parkway, Room B, Redwood City from 6 to 8 pm; Thursdays at 125 Northwood Drive, Suite 3, in South San Francisco from 6 to 7:30 p.m.
• Web site: AdaptFoundation.com | Address: P.O. Box 1052, San Carlos, CA 94070 | Phone: (650) 245-8489 | E-mail: ADMIN@adaptfoundation.com | Facebook: http://preview.tinyurl.com/m3ur4y
Redwood City attorney sues ‘First Amendment auditors’ after Menlo Park disputeApril 2, 2026 11:31 am
