Sharon Graham Niederhaus of Portola Valley has written a guide to an emerging trend in housing: the revival of multigenerational living — three or more generations living together under one roof.
Since 1990, the number of three-generation households has increased 60 percent, says her brother and co-author John L. Graham, professor of marketing and international business at the University of California, Irvine. He also notes there are more than six million such households in America.
Many factors play into the attractiveness of joint living arrangements, says Ms. Niederhaus. For grown children who return to the nest, there are economic advantages. For example, they can save money while going to school or build up a nest egg for a home of their own, especially if they live in a pricey area. Grandparents can help with child care, which is particularly helpful if both parents are working.
“Whether grandparents live in accessory apartments on the property or houses next door, these flexible housing arrangements provide privacy and companionship at the same time,” says Ms. Niederhaus. Grandparents can enjoy knowing their grandchildren and be part of their lives. Adult children living nearby can provide assistance to older parents routinely or in cases of emergency.
Other factors accelerating the trend, says her brother, are the break-down of the pension system and the high cost of living in a retirement community — both of which favor multigenerational living for economic reasons.
Ms. Niederhaus sees more parents helping adult children with down payments on homes and buying places together with them.
Many baby boomers who are retiring in their early 60s don’t look forward to their kids leaving home, he says. They desire their companionship, seeing their grandchildren develop and other mutual benefits of living near family, he says.
Collaboration
Mr. Graham kept nudging his sister Sharon to turn her master’s thesis on multigenerational living arrangements, completed at Stanford University in 2001, into a useful guide for families.“Initially, I dismissed the idea,” she says. “After laboring on my research paper for over a year, I was ready to move on.” She became interested in affordable housing issues.
“A phone call from John telling me that ideas from my master’s thesis (‘The Accessory Apartment: A Viable Housing Option for the New Longevity’) were on the front page of the Wall Street Journal (Dec. 20, 2002) changed our plans,” said Ms. Niederhaus.
The Journal article described the national trend for extended families to either stay connected or reconnect by using the accessory apartment as a way to live together and apart at the same time.
“We decided to collaborate on a book,” related Ms. Niederhaus during an interview in her Portola Valley Ranch home. “We each wrote several chapters and collaborated on one. It was a wonderful experience working together. Never a cross word.”
Their book — “Together Again: A Creative Guide to Successful Multigenerational Living” — offers practical suggestions and a long list of resources to help families adapt successfully to extended living arrangements.
Ms. Niederhaus traveled around the country and interviewed more than 100 families about their extended family living relationships. Their experiences — what works, what doesn’t — formed the basis for the book.
These families stayed connected through a variety of housing arrangements. Some had homes with “granny downs” (bedrooms with baths downstairs), separate granny units or apartments over the garage. Others lived in duplexes, houses or townhouses next-door, condos in the same building, or on family compounds.
“Privacy with proximity” is the key to families living together in harmony, says Ms. Niederhaus. “A separate entrance and a separate kitchen is a must.”
Reaching agreement
She recommends that families talk about expectations up front and make agreements for living together. These ground rules should be “democratically determined, fair for all, and allow for both communication and privacy.”One young man, who shares an accessory apartment in his parents’ home, told her: “I think the most important thing is to get everyone together, and see what bothers people and what doesn’t. Just common courtesy.”
Ms. Niederhaus recommends family meetings on a regular basis to encourage “positive relationships.” Some of the broad topics for discussion that came up with all the people she interviewed included: length of stay, communication preferences, relationship issues, privacy issues, shared responsibilities, personal preferences, household finances, child care, and family fun.
Other chapters in the book are titled “Why Living Together Again Makes Sense,” “Designing and Remodeling Your Home for Privacy” and “Making Your Home Accessible to Seniors.” The last three chapters focus on the challenges: “Overcoming Cultural Stigmas: Four Curses and a Blessing,” financial and legal considerations, and “Making Agreements for Living Together.”
Shared housing
While not aimed at multigenerational family living, locally, HIP Housing, short for Human Investment Project, has been providing home-sharing options for the past 25 years in San Mateo County. In that time, the project has matched 13,000 people to shared housing, said Bruce Hamilton, executive director.In many cases, the owner of the home is a senior, and, generally, the person seeking a place to live is much younger, said Mr. Hamilton. They often negotiate a lease that includes services, not just money. (For information about shared housing, call the project office at 348-660. )
Teacher and mother
“Together Again” is the first book for Ms. Niederhaus, a mother and grandmother as well as a former teacher in the Portola Valley and San Jose Unified school districts. She initiated the “Adopt-A-School Program” in San Mateo County that developed more than 100 business-education partnerships in K-12 schools in 23 districts. She has published articles in education journals and given talks on housing issues for the Housing Leadership Council of San Mateo County and League of Women Voters.She acknowledges many local people for their help in the creation of the book. “My primary editor was my husband, Don Niederhaus,” she says. “Bill Lane, retired publisher of Sunset magazine, was a huge help all along the journey.”
Another Portola Valley resident, Iris Harrell, president of a remodeling firm, reviewed the chapters on remodeling and making homes accessible for seniors. Dr. Walter M. Bortz II of Portola Valley, author of “Dare to Be 100: 99 Steps to a Long, Healthy Life,” provided advice about how family and other social relationships extend and enrich life.
“In ocean surfing, you try to ‘catch the big wave,'” said Mr. Lane. “And we all are in a rising sea of major demographic, economic, and psychological changes in our population. This carefully researched book examines real-life and time-tested solutions to the big wave of living Together Again.”
Their 299-page paperback book, “Together Again: A Creative Guide to Successful Multigenerational Living,” is published by M. Evans & Company, an imprint of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group Inc. of Lanham, Maryland. It sells for $16.95 and has been in bookstores since January. For more information, go to www.TogetherAgainBook.com.
